The truth about men

From LordMattWiki

A guide for women.

For years men have been degraded and mocked for their lack of being female. We have been told that we are not trying hard enough to "think like a woman" or to "communicate like a female".

It cut's both ways and the only person who can be changed by the person with the problem is the person with the problem.

For those women with a problem with their men there follows an introductory guide to getting in touch with your masculin side.

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[edit] Lies

Take the following well known seinario:

M: What's bothering you?

F: (sulking) nothing!

M: OK, if you say so - you just look depressed.

Male exits

F: (sighs) he never notices when I'm feeling down.

While this might be considered funny it is in fact the telling of a lie.

New Idea when you say that nothing is wrong don't be supprised if your lie is believed and you are treated as if nothing is wrong.

In man speak this is playing silly buggers.

[edit] Myth: He never talks about his feelings

Men are very honest about thier feelings. When angry they show it, when they dislike someone they ignore or shun them. When they like some one they spend time with them.

Men like to talk about how they feel, however: men quickly learn that women do not seem to have an ability to talk honestly about thier feelings. On the battlefield, in the factory and on the hunt playing silly buggers get's you killed. Therefore the men that are alive generally are the ones that learned quickly enough not to do it.

As a result we have developed a complex and subtle language with which we communicate a great deal of feeling with each other. The fact that this is mistaken as jokes, crass language, jeering at the TV and other "vulgarities" is just a failure to understand the language.

What you see as nothing more than vulgar male banter is actually a rapid fire cut and thrust in which men explore what they feel and what thier friends feel while at the same time testing their standing with said friends.

Men talk about thier feelings all the time. You just have not been listening to us.

[edit] Hints

Look abck to the "Male Life" section and you will see that every part of the aptitude of men comes from the use of the explicit or the understanding of the complex.

In order to not get our fingers cut off we don't post signs that say "I would feel happy if this area was free of finger prints" we post signs that say "DANGER: Sharp blades. Loss of fingers will result if you put your hands here."

You see the parinioa of the battle field is best left on the battle field. Otherwise we men would be wondering "did he mean I could borrow the car or does he realy want me to clean it?"

In international relations we would be jumping ever five seconds in case the tribe from accross the water went to threaten us with the gift of fresh fruit.

It just would not work. So when we want to let the tribe from the other side of the river know they have upset us we go over to them and demonstrate the power of our sharp pointy sticks upclose and personal so that there is no doubt that we did not like what they said about our mothers.

But seriousely. Game playing does not promote peace it promotes stressfull men.

[edit] Example for women

Jenny really liked John. Jenny thought about him night and day.

John was mad about Jenny and they spent ages at the library togeather.

However John had yet to make his move. He was not sure if Jenny liked him.

One day Jenny got asked out by Sam. She said no.

When Jenny and John met next she told him all about Sam and how good looking he was. She told him all about how Sam had been direct and asked he out and she had almost said yes.

John concluded that she was interested in guys like Sam.

Jenny knew that John liked her when at last his sister Beth told her.

Jenny waited for John to ask her out and dropped hints to him about the type of man her parents would approve of (ie him).

John did not get the hints and wondered if Jenny liked him.

One day there was a big event being held. John waited ages before plucking up his curage and asking Jenny to go with him.

Jenny disided that she needed to play hard to get and said she was busy.

John wnet with his sister Beth and her friend Shaz and spent most of the time feeling unhappy despite Shaz's attempts to flert and be friendly.

Jenny was told of the "date" John had with Shaz and next time they met she reacted by talking about guys who liked her to make John realise that she had turned them all down. She smiled at John and fluttered her eye lids.

John felt broken and left early.

Jenny, annoyed at Johns lack of forwardness fixed a date with ugly bloke Dave.

John realised that Jenny was not interested and tried to get over her by getting his sister to set up a blind date. Beth set up a date with her friend Shaz.

Shaz had a big crush on John and Beth let this slip before the date.

John didn't have as much in common with Shaz but they got on OK especially as Shaz was trying realy hard to make John like her.

Shaz and John eventually got married and had three children. John never forgot Jenny but heartbroken over her rejecting him he avoided her and finally moved away.

Jenny never married and never got over her feelings for John.

Aged 52 she died alone in her big empty house from an overdoes of prescription tablets.

Jenny's lack of honesty with John and her playing silly buggers lost her the man of her dreams.

[edit] Myth: Men are only intested in sex

While it is true men are interested in sex the vast studies have found that men in long term relationships expirence much more satisfying sex than others.

Furthermore it is common for men to be interested in Love.

In is not uncommon for particularly open young males after drinking a reasonable ammount of beer to admit that they would like to have a partner specifically as waking up to someone in te morning and/or cuddling up to go to sleep must be the greatest thing in the world.

However, this will only happen in small all male groups during early bonding stages of "getting to know you".

[edit] Fact: Gangs are the same the world over

Men hang about in gangs for one reason - saftey. In todays social climate this might be safty from being embrarrsed by a female or safty from another gang of males. Some gangs are more informal than others. Some may be more about mutal support or working towards an aim. (think of online social websites, forums and that sort of thing).

The big news is that woman hang about in gangs too.

While the males use postering, farting, grunting, snorting, smoking and crass language to signal to other groups to keep thier distence women do the same!

Oh, they don't fart and scratch and burp instead they giggle, gossip, apply make up and putdown. On the whole female gangs are far more emotionally deadly than the male gangs. Especially in schools, colleges and universities where the populace is rather compressed.

But the effect is not limited to these areas. A common subject for stand up humour is why women go to the toilet in groups. It's a gang thing - going in groups acts as a safty net where they can disect the males verbaly, talk about their opinions and fend of other gangs of girls.

It is sadly common that women will do this on double dates and otehr informal outings to gain power over thier males. It differs accross cultures but it can be as bad as bullying or as mild as friendship.

The truth remains however that if you want to get to know a male you must do so without the backup of you girly gang or you will eventually drive him away. The message you send is a war message - "I do not trust you."

Which leads nicly to another fact

[edit] Fact: Ask or tell not both

You can ask a person to help or you can tell them how to do it. Doeing both is likely to cause upset as you are communicating a lack of trust. You are also Playing silly buggers.

[edit] Fact: Men like to be trusted

Men live or "die" in business, war, work and social interaction on the basis of the value of the trust palced on them.

So when someone trusts you in such a situation the message is that the opinion and skills of the trusted person are worth something.

A common situation is where a couple are doing something let's take driving and she questions him and his actions continuously. Issuing orders and making suggestions untill he says "fine - you drive then!" and she bursts into tears because he's being "unreasonable".

However what she is saying is "I don't trust you", "I don't think you are man enough for the job" (see man speak:man enough) and "I am unimpressed by you".

Her actions communcate a lack of love, respect and trust. Unsupprisingly such relationships are bumpy rides.

[edit] Myths of change

A typicle view of marrage: Isle Alter Hymn

[edit] Myth: I can change that about him when we are married

As soon as one person in a couple stops treating the other as an equal there is trouble.

When one part of a partnership tries to change the other they are placing their opinion and wants as more important than anything else. Trust, equality and friendship can not live long in such an environment. Women fought for a very long time for equality but the simple act of forcing some one to change creates inequality.

When you say you must bow to my desires you make youself ruler over the other person. That is not love.

One of a few thigns will happen.

• drifting apart and eventual devorce
• One day you will realise he's not the man you married and you don't know him (see above)
• he'll resent you and start keeping secrets
• no longer an equal but an opponant he will stop communicating with you
• He has a midlife crisis and starts changing and being very different when the pressure of pretneding get's too much.

What you are doing is called bullying. You might not have ever thought of it that way but you are trying to make your man into someone he is not. You are forcing him to live a lie.

The only person you can change is you.

[edit] Fact: you are far better changing yourself.

you are far better changing yourself so that thing he does no loner bothers you. In this way you do not put you opinion as more important than his well being.

[edit] Myth: He's just looking for a replacement mother

While there are some people who are sadly badly adjusted to life on the whole the evidence for this claim lies in examples from married women.

I'm sorry to say this is often the fault of the couple. The fault of the woman for trying to change him and the man for not having the energy or will power to resist such manipulations.

[edit] Example

Our femlae sets out to stop her man smoking. Eventually he get sick of the nagging and the lack of kisses and cudles (and sex!) and says he will quite. He gives up for a while but his heart is not in it. So he smokes at work and eats mints ont he way home.

"You smell of smoke" she moans.

"The rest area is full of smokers" he says.

Down at the pub he smokes and laughingly tells his mates not to tell the "little lady" / "my old woman" / "the missis".

Now he is no longer treating er like a partner but like a mother who doesn't like the way he is acting. The couple have manipulated themselves into this possition and now have no easy way back out. She treated him a little like a child and he treated he like a disapporving mother.